In every generation there are those that through no effort of their own rise to the top of intelligence and creativity. Then there are those that work like hell to scratch and claw one single brilliant and original thought from their stubborn mind. These are the musings of the latter type.
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Last Sunset of 2005, Cannon Beach, Oregon
2005 was a dynamic year, full of huge changes in my life. Seing the last sunset of the year was bittersweet for me.
I am glad to see the year pass, knowing that I made it... I survived and things are moving in new directions that I would not have imagined a year ago. At the same time, parts of my life I have known for years will never be again. People and places I had built my life around are no longer there, and I have to go through the process of redefining... who, what, when, where, why, how much, etc. As the sun sank into the ocean, I looked forward to facing tomorrow's sunrise. The process of life... the turning wheel... appreciating all that I have experienced and eager for more.
Here I sit, in peace. Surrounded by the shards of my broken illusions.I don’t know everything, but I do know all.All is one in motion…The water is the cloud, the cloud is the rain, the rain is the stream, the stream is the river, the river is the ocean, the ocean is the cloud and the cloud is water.I am stardust, I am a single cell, I am a baby, I am a child, I am a youth, I am an adolescent, I am an adult, I am elderly, I am stardust.Reality is transition, it is the Delta.I am “Delta Stardust” in the behavior of the dust I find myself.Without the transition, I am not.I used to fear what was to come, the next instant in time was a terror in the back of my mind.We felt it more as children, the boogey man of reality under our beds.The constant anticipation of the nightmare, that waits for us in the next moment.Now I know that there is nothing to fear, that things are unfolding as they have been since before matter formed.It is a flow of energy, changing forms, through me, through you.Ca…
Today I saw the wave, it was a slow moving rise in the ocean.
As it approached, I could feel the water pull toward it, like a massive breath in.
Then the swell, it was incredible, from low to high, the power was impressive...
I am watching the life of a soul drawn in to its own rhythm.
Breathe in... Breathe out, it is such a simple concept but at the same time such a powerful and critical pattern.
So here I breathe, as my soul crashes upon the shore. I am the wave, I am the ocean, I am the rhythm of life. The patterns of survival. It is all here and at the same time, everywhere.
What should I say, is it contrary to the natural patterns to want more?
To seek the truth of the patterns. To find the source of the pain.
All I want is a day filled with light, to have the clouds not rain down on me, but to feel the warm sun on my shoulders. The light of the star telling me it is okay, that I can move on and that tomorrow will be brighter than today.
Today was the 30th anniversary of the day I was birthed.
3 decades on Earth so far and what is it all for?
I'd like to think that my particular presence in space and time has meaning. That all the effort and resources my parents and teachers over the years have invested in me will somehow come to fruition.
I feel like I have accomplished some things that have been worthy of their contributions, but in some ways I feel like there is still so much to do to make it up to them.
I am still working on my BS degrees in Physics and Information Technology. There are many good reasons I have for such a drawn out timeline, but to me it is hard to swallow. I should be finishing my first PhD by now, but my choices in life have not manifested that reality. It is still my goal to accomplish someday, but I have become more comfortable with the way things have turned out so far within the given timeline.
I have learned that since, as far as I can determine, there is only one of me, and time seems …