We are confronted with little decisions every moment, one could say that life is a continuous decision. The persistent choice. These little decisions lead to other little decisions leading to others and so on. Our path started before we were conceived and the effects of our path will linger on even after our bodies have dissolved.
We are sensory creatures, we experience the world around us with limited capabilities. Our eyes only detect a certain wavelength of radiant energy. Our ears only tell our brain about a certain range frequencies. Our touch has a minimum resolution. Then we have a range of detection of events, we only can know what we can bring into our minds from the sensory systems. You tell me something, but you are on the moon, odds are I won't hear it. And if I don't hear it, I won't know it. I can only know, what I know that I can know.
But what happens when we do hear and we do see and we do understand. And the information decoded from the signals have meaning. Not only do they have meaning, but they have deep life changing meaning. But, there is a catch... How do I feel about all of those other possibilities, turning points of paths not chosen, passing by while I follow the only path I will know.
You only get one path per life... And how much influence you have to guide the path as it unfolds is uncertain. You are responding to your senses and the neural structures that have been building up over time.
I am not sure about choice, I see even within myself and my processes how little I actually do with my mind. Even the things that I do seem to think about and "decide" on, never have turned out exactly how I imagined them to when I "chose". There are too many variables, there are too many possibilities.
What I am sure about is that choice or not, there is the path and there is what is not on the path. This is the issue at hand.
Today, I feel the joy of the new path I am moving on now, and the sadness of the death of others I have let go of. I look back on all the things leading up to now, I see one event lead to another and so on. But, the "right" path is a mystery. Is this one that I am on at this moment the best one, or is it just the one that "is"?
You can't go left and right at the same time, at least not for very far.
A path can only go in one direction at each moment. The other infinite directions are not able to be.
It is to me like a miscarriage...
The potential of what could have been is gone, and will never be.
Yes, you might have another chance in the future, and if it works out you will bring human life into the world. But, the potential life that carried with it hope for the future, is no longer there and I feel that it must be mourned. Maybe there is another life to come, and maybe this was for the best that things went the way they did this time... but maybe not.
That is what I cry for now, the death of the possibility.